I’m leaving again. It’s been over a course of seven years
now that I’ve found myself leaving from what I know as comfortable and moving somewhere unfamiliar: a college that no one in my hometown had ever heard of or could even pronounce - New Zealand, the absolute furthest country I could go - and
Ecuador, alone, not speaking the language.
I don’t really know why I do this myself. What is the
continuous draw to the unfamiliar? It makes me sick inside remembering
difficult times of loneliness so far from home, getting robbed, becoming poor,
being sick, and craving familiarity.
But some little spark in my stomach stems out to make my
legs restless. Telling me to get up and go. What will happen? What can I learn
and how will I grow from it – the good and the bad.
I want a challenge. Everyday should be an adventure. I don’t
want comfort to find ME in familiar
food, a warm bed, my home. I want the comfort to come within. I need to be able
to find comfort within myself and find familiarity in the unfamiliar.
I could embrace my idea of “normal.” I could get a proper job, an affordable apartment that I’d fill with DIY projects found on Pinterest.
I could drive to work and eat my Tupperware quinoa salad at my desk. I could go
to my weekly yoga class and come home just in time to spend the night on
the couch watching Netflix. Waiting for the weekend.
I could. I easily could be content happy with the
lifestyle. But first, I need just a little bit more.
I want to fuel my curiosity. I want to be confused. And
challenged. And lost. I want to taste more foods that I love and discover more
foods that I hate. I want to dance badly and sleep deeply. Hell, I want to
sleep badly, too!
I want to be alone. I want to be lonely and still be okay. I
want to find inspiration and as I write, the words just bleed from my
fingertips. And better yet, somebody, somewhere will want to read these words
and feel something. Anything.
But I’m leaving again. Off to Barcelona. My first trip to Europe! I may not have the best sense of
direction this time. There may not be enough money in my bank account or
experience under my belt. But I’ll be okay.
I’m ready to discover more about the world… and myself.
